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Joke - Things I Learned Living In Texas


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#1 jobo2mi

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Posted 12 May 2008 - 08:42 AM

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas .
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. 'Onced' and 'Twiced' are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
7. 'Jaw-P?' means 'Did ya'll go to the bathroom?'
8. People actually grow and eat okra.
9. 'fixinto' is one word.
10. There is no such thing as 'lunch'. There is only dinner and then there is supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.
12. Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.'
13. The word 'jeet' is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'.
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.
16. 'No. Jew?' is a common response to the question 'Did you bring any beer?'.
17. You measure distance in minutes.
18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
20. You know what a 'DAWG' is.
21. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car.
22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup.
23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and motorsports.
24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm'.
26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' Wal-Martin' or 'off to Wally World'.
28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.
29. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
30. We don't need no dang driver's ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.
31. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Texas friends and those who just wish they were from Texas .

#2 QPdad

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Posted 12 May 2008 - 09:15 AM

laugh.gif laugh.gif
Most of those things are also true where I was raised in Arkansas.

Now I live in a land where "oil" is a two syllable word (oy-yull (the accent being on the first syllable)) and words that start with "wh" are pronounced as if the "h" wasn't there ("which and witch" and "whether and weather" are pronounced exactly the same).

#3 owned by racal

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Posted 22 September 2009 - 08:58 AM

hahaha being from Texas when I moved to ohio my friends were always asking me how do you fixin to get ready?LOL this is too funny

#4 BrandieLeigh

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Posted 27 October 2009 - 02:17 AM

I was going to say the same thing! I live in Arkansas now. And when I was in high school we really did close down on the opening day of deer season. It was "teacher conferences" or some other excuse. But we all knew the truth! lol. What a hoot.

QUOTE (QPdad @ May 12 2008, 09:15 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
laugh.gif laugh.gif
Most of those things are also true where I was raised in Arkansas.

Now I live in a land where "oil" is a two syllable word (oy-yull (the accent being on the first syllable)) and words that start with "wh" are pronounced as if the "h" wasn't there ("which and witch" and "whether and weather" are pronounced exactly the same).


#5 KathyC

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 10:06 PM

Man yall just read my mind. You really could change that to Arkansas.
We close schools, banks and stores around here for the first day of Deer Season.