[kate]

I will admit that i prob dont keep my cages as clean as some of you do. With 6 birds and 6 BIG cages i cant keep them spotless. But, they are far from being really dirty. My friend has a CAG and a Blue qp. Now, they are what i call NASTY. I have discussed this on here in the past. I drop hints that she should just let them come live with me. She always says that she would do it but BF that lives with her wouldnt go for it. Anyway, moving on cause this is NOT my peeve today. I just came home from there. I had delivered her some egg cartons. We sit down in front room to talk a minute. In time her qp starts squawking. She yells shut up and grabs the first thing she can,which was the egg cartons and yells shut up again as she whams the side of the cage. I musta been giving her a dirty look cause she says "well she shut up, didnt she?.. I dont do that very often". We resume talking.. In a bit qp starts squawking again. My friend yells shut up again and grabs for the egg cartons. I said" dont you hit that cage"( it just spilled out). If you are gonna hit it do it after i leave.I dont want to see it. She just smiled at me and didnt say anything about it.. she knows how i am about my birds. Then we just talked a bit more and i left. But..it has been dwelling on my mind about just how often is she hitting the cage?. The thing is i dont feel like there is anything i can do. Its kinda like when ya see someones husband cheating on them { or vice versa}What do ya do or say? Do ya tell or not?. Lets dicuss what is appropriate when its a good friend that is doing something you dont like. Im sure it depends on how much you may value their friendship. And I do value hers. Tactful and diplomatic opinions please. Like shall I put her in a cage with filth and bang it a few times. Isnt that fair???

[MamatoBoris]

I know Im new here and probably should keep my trap shut however Ill all for eye for an eye.

Im sorry that this is burdening your heart have you tried to talk with her about it. I strongly believe in prayer (not sure if you do sorry) but I would pray about it and approach her and have a heart to heart.

Just my two cents altho it may not be worth 2 cents

[Sandi Kiwis Mom]

Kate,
This is a hard position to be put in but if she is truely your friend, then you should be able to talk to her. Sometimes the truth hurts. If it were me............I would tell her in a polite way that what she is doing to her quaker will eventually lead to problems and also the fact that she needs to ignore the bird when it is squawking because now the bird gets attention some way by doing the squawking. Do you know how much time she even spends with her quaker? As far as the cage cleaning, you can say some subtle hints, such as the birds can get sick, etc, etc by now cleaning the cages. I guess I am at a loss for extra advice. I wish you luck.

[Skipper]

hmmmm the first thing that came to my mind was whacking her with the egg carton....


Just wondering does the BF know how she is with the birds when he's not there? Could you possibly talk directly to him rather then go through her?....I sure hope you can get those guys out of there. I guess it's been my experiance people are on their "better" behavior when others aren't around....what's she doing when she is alone with the and no one is watching?...

[jenfoxpoint]

I have a friend who tells her children to "shut up." It makes my heart sad and I always try to step in and redirect the conversation. You've received some good advice and I don't really have anything to add but my support.

Jen

[Way2Bizzy]

I think you have a great idea-- go forward with sticking her in a nasty cage and commence whacking with egg carton or whatever objects you find handy. Oh, and don't forget to scream at her whilst whacking.

Seriously though, what would you do if she was neglecting and abusing her kids, say nothing or speak up? I have a big mouth and am a worrier. I say you have to tell her you think she's not handling the situation very well and offer to help her out with suggestions or take the fids off her hands.

Good luck to you- and be sure to take pics for us if you decide to go the caging and whacking route

[pam311]

Thats is a sad situation. Poor birds. Cabo, my QP gets loud and squawks, squawks, squawks. It can get on your last nerve. I usually go over to her cage and start talking back to her and she tones it down. We also tell her to use her 'inside voice" doesnt work but its fune.

If you value your friendship I would let her know that she may be encouraging some of the negative behavior by her actions. Instead of calling out her bad behavior, present it as her negativity is hindering a close relationship with her fid.

This is a tough situation and I wish you the best. Good luck.

[equineRtist]

Oh my. That's a tough call, but if she is a really GOOD friend I'd have to say something to her, like

"You know, I think of ours as a true friendship, the kind where we can tell each other how we feel about virtually ANYTHING, so I am going to be totally honest with you and if you choose to break up a great friendship over it, it will be YOUR call, not mine. I am an animal and bird lover as you know, and these fids are just like babies. they can't take care of themselves. They MUST depend on us to care for them and love them. I'm just wondering if you would do that to a tiny baby and make it afraid for the rest of it's life. The noise a parrot makes is the only song God gave to them, so if we can't stand it, we should pass it on to someone who would love it for what it is, not what we want it to be"

Maybe that would either wake her up or yank a knot in her tail! her choice.

That's just my opinion. It might cost a friendship, but hey, THAT'S a friend????

[Fexil]

AMEN HERE!!!! The Little Babies depend on us!!!!! That is just CRUEL!!!!!
Good Luck to you on handling this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my. That's a tough call, but if she is a really GOOD friend I'd have to say something to her, like

"You know, I think of ours as a true friendship, the kind where we can tell each other how we feel about virtually ANYTHING, so I am going to be totally honest with you and if you choose to break up a great friendship over it, it will be YOUR call, not mine. I am an animal and bird lover as you know, and these fids are just like babies. they can't take care of themselves. They MUST depend on us to care for them and love them. I'm just wondering if you would do that to a tiny baby and make it afraid for the rest of it's life. The noise a parrot makes is the only song God gave to them, so if we can't stand it, we should pass it on to someone who would love it for what it is, not what we want it to be"

Maybe that would either wake her up or yank a knot in her tail! her choice.

That's just my opinion. It might cost a friendship, but hey, THAT'S a friend????

[GeorgiaOnMyMind]

I might right her a letter about it. I know that I would have a really hard saying everything I really felt without judgmental or too pushy, but if you could write it all down, you could make your point, but word it in a respectful way.

Good luck!

[Esther C]

I think that if that were my friend I would explain to her what that will do to her birds and say if you don't want them please place them in a good home(your's). Animals respond to kindness and she is definately not kind towards them. That is just plain animal abuse and I feel that some people cannot change and they should never have pet's.Maybe offer to take them off her hands for a price.

[kate]

Thanks everyone for your comments. It is the first time that i have EVER seen her do something like this. They are both avid animal lovers. Maybe it was just because we were trying to talk and the egg cartons was handy. She has been going through some really emotional rough patches which i wont take the time to go into. It isnt the norm for her though. She has more to take care of than she can keep up with. Im always on to her about her workload and that it is overwhelming to her. I am thinking it was just a spur of the moment reaction on her part and not a habit. This is also why the cages get into such a bad shape. Im not making excuses for her what she did what wrong. I guess im saying that i know she is a great person and whould do anything to help someone out. I dont want people thinking bad of her. I was just upset with what i had witnessed and needed to let it out i guess.

[QTQP4me]

Thanks everyone for your comments. It is the first time that i have EVER seen her do something like this. They are both avid animal lovers. Maybe it was just because we were trying to talk and the egg cartons was handy. She has been going through some really emotional rough patches which i wont take the time to go into. It isnt the norm for her though. She has more to take care of than she can keep up with. Im always on to her about her workload and that it is overwhelming to her. I am thinking it was just a spur of the moment reaction on her part and not a habit. This is also why the cages get into such a bad shape. Im not making excuses for her what she did what wrong. I guess im saying that i know she is a great person and whould do anything to help someone out. I dont want people thinking bad of her. I was just upset with what i had witnessed and needed to let it out i guess.

there's always more to a story then we get details on, and that's typically in the best interest of all involved. you could approach it the way you just told us. you know she's got some issues right now that are causing her to be someone she is not. maybe she doesn't see it?

i know i went thru a rough patch last year, lot of changes in my life that sent me spiralling downward. i reacted the opposite, and took refuge in my birds. i credit them for getting me thru the long winter and drama i have been living with for a year, and my coworkers have commented that they are glad i have my birds lol.

maybe offer to keep the birds temporarily until things at your friend's house start to even out. i think approaching it as a permanent fix (you can let the birds live with me forever) is possibly shocking/humiliating/degrading to her and puts her on the defensive because she is interpreting your offer as a failure on her part, but if you phrase it as "you seem to have a lot on your plate right now and your fids don't seem to be getting all they can from you at this point. how about i keep them in a foster type situation so they can remain socialized and friendly, then when things calm down you bring them back home?" that way, even if she chooses to let you keep them, she knows she has the option.

i dunno what will work, but i do know that it's a hard place you find yourself in. i wish you and all involved the best of luck.

kris

[kate]

Thanks Kris. I think you do understand where im coming from. You are right there is a lot more usually going on than just the act.

[birdbluff]

LOL!!! I think you may want to tell us that it was an empty egg carton???

You could print out a similar thread (not this one so she doesn't know you posted this) that talks about how wrong this is. I think on one of the QP sites it talks about the consequences of treating your bird badly.

I do remember a site where it talks about all the bad treatments and their consequences. I can find it for you if you like.
Just a few brief blurbs from a credible site might be a diplomatic way of telling her without any confrontation.