First off - a big thanks to a wonderful person - RON (Uncle Zippy) for listening to me and being so kind. With his help, I think I can now post my feelings.
You all know that my cat disappeared and I thought for sure she was dead. Well - she came back on Friday, still so very sick but was able to drink some water. So my husband made a pallet in the garage and put a fan on her because it was hot. Well - the man that he is, said it was too hot and opened the door from the house to air condition the garage . We watched over her that afternoon and she really did seem like she was perking up. Not to be - Saturday (after staying with her most of the night), I went to check on her at 5:30am and her breathing was labored and she threw up when I tried to get her something to drink. That's it, I told my husband - she is going to the vet. Either we fix her or we have her put down. Was the most awful drive I ever took, and little did I know that she pee'd all over me, as I was holding her in a blanket and just felt like we were both sweating. The vet took one look and shook her head - she did an exam and said my baby had liver desease, was jaunticed and had less then a 50% chance even if we did do a lot of treatment for her. Decision made, I held her as she took her last breathe and told her I would take care of her little boy for her and for her to say hello to my other babies waiting for her in rainbow bridge. Then we came home. I should get her ashes in about a week, where she will be put with honor next to my other babies that I have lost.
I guess it was harder on me then I thought, because last night I had what my doctor said was a seizure. I'll know more after some tests this week, but my mind just could not take anymore. I hope to never go thru that again and I must get control of my self, as my poor hubby almost had a heart attack he was so scared. So - I just wanted to let you all know that I did get to give her the grace and dignity that I wanted to - even if she was only an ally cat, I loved her with all my heart. Now, her son is my gift and I'll treasure him like I did her. Thanks again Ron - and everyone else during the times I posted about her. You all are wonderful and make the sun shine for me in this sometimes dark world. I love you all.

I'm very sorry. I hope you're okay.

Healing light, gail

You poor thing! I am sorry you had to go through this. Thank goodness she came home and was able to pass without any further pain. Amazing how animals do that.

My thoughts are with you.

Oh Nancy I cried reading this post. My heart goes out to you.
Giant hugs. Its always hard doing the right thing. Let me know how you come out with the tests.
Hugs
IMPy

NANCY! I am so sorry you had to go through all this! I am thinking of you.

If you need to talk, PM me and I will give you my number (or PM me with yours and I will call you!).

Hugs to you nice lady!

Oh Nancy! I'm so sorry for your loss! At least she came home one last time to be with people she knew loved her very much! I'll be keeping you guys in my thoughts!

Hugs!

Nancy I am so very sorry for your loss. I do hope you are able to find some peace and begin to heal soon.

Awwww. my eyes were filling up with tears reading that. Im sooo sorry for the loss Nancy. Sending lots of HUGS your way.

So very sorry for what you have been through. Please try to take care of you now, okay?

So bittersweet. First not knowing what happened for sure. Then reunited. Then the vets. Finally having to make that most agonizing of decisions. The right thing to do but awful having to be there and watch a life ending.

You did a good thing. There is never anything wrong with taking away pain. I just wish I could take away the pain you feel now. Only time can do that.

Scritches for Mama's baby.

I'm honored that you trusted me to offer my small bit of help.

Peace to you.

The tears are rolling down my face reading your post. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sometimes the heartache of losing a pet is unbearable but you need to take care of yourself now. I hope all your test come back with good news.

Kate
New Quaker Mom

I'm so sorry, such a difficult decision. I hope your feeling better.

So very sorry about your loss, the hardest thing is to make that decision and watch them take that last breath. My heart is breaking for you. Sending you hugs and blessings and prayers that it was just the stress that caused your seizure and you will be fine.
God Bless you and yours

*hugs* It was a horrible situation, but I know you gave that dear cat some much needed comfort in her final hours. I know she trusts her son with you.

I'm so sorry about your cat Nancy... but I am glad you were able to say your final goodbyes and that you have her son to treasure. He will never fill her place, but hopefully he will ease the pain of her loss.

Warm thoughts to you and the rest of your family.

My heart goes out to you. I lost my ally cat 'Simon The Great' in June 2003 to a heart murmur. I hope that you feel better soon and that you find comfort in your other kitty cat.

Nadia

Oh Nancy, I am truly sorry. Your heart must be breaking.

A friend of mine wrote this poem after she had to put her dog down to sleep. In Memory Of.

I feel that you are lucky to have been there with her though, and she lucky to have you there.

Nancy, big hugs to you, I know what a difficult decision this was to make. You can always take comfort in knowing that she knew that you loved her and only wanted the best for her. Your sweet baby is now free of pain, chasing butterflies and taking naps in the sun, free from pain.

aww that hurts to go through all of that I felt bad reading what you went thru! We sure have to be of great courage in this life dont we from the weakest to the strong! Many huggs Nancy!

My heart felt condolences to you Nancy...I do know exactly some of the pain you are feeling....I had to have two dogs put down at the same time once, but being the coward that I am, I left home when the vet came....I left the situation to my sister and son.....

I surely hope your heart will mend and I think kitty's baby will help that a lot....

Praying for strength and comfort for you Nancy.....

sending hugs from across the miles ..I feel your pain...

So sorry for your loss Nancy. I understand the pain of having to make that decision. It is so sad, but your mama kitty is now free from pain. She came home knowing you would help her, and you did, even though it hurts like nothing else.

Hugs to you and hope you feel better soon.

So sorry for your loss..
We just recently had to say good-bye to one of our dogs; wasn't the first and won't be the last, but it never gets easier.

Friendly faces fading..
Soft whispers of love.
Within the dimming light awaits
the promise of a rainbow.

Oh Nancy, I'm so sorry. It hurts so badly when we lose our babies. You know our rescues may even seem worse because we know what a hard life they must have had before us. It was a sweet thing you did to take her in and care for her and the sweetest thing was that you didn't let her die alone, with strangers. You were there for her and she knew she was loved. Be blessed Nancy and I'll be crying with you as I ask God to please ease your pain.

Jo