I would like to start by saying thank you to each and every one of you that posted your kind words and thoughts. It really has helped me in this difficult time. As many of you know we lost our baby Gurk on March 16th. We have been waiting for the autopsy report to come back. I haven't gone over it with the doctor yet to find out what caused the problems but now we know what happened. I am going to speak with the doctor next week to find out what caused the problems.

The autopsy report findings are as follows: Severe Renal Gout and Sever pancreatic atrophy. So basically his kidneys and pancreas failed. We have no idea how this happened. Once I find out I will pass it along.

Once again thank you all for the wonderful words of comfort and all the prayers. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I still cry every night. I just can't stop it, the hurt is so bad. I don't know if I will ever get over the loss of my baby. He really truly was the light of my life. And with light extinguished I can't find my way in the dark.

Thanks to everyone,
Tina

It's a terrible thing to have to get through. I pray you will soon know pease and ease of pain.

In 1987, I lost my BFA, "Princess" and my sweet Tiel, "Beeper" when my house burned. I thought it was going to kill me. When I finally decided to get another bird, it allowed me to laugh again. No bird will ever take the place of one that was lost, but it's funny antics can bring smiles back to your face and laughter back to your lips. It won't fill the hole left in your heart, but it will make a new place of its own there. You will know when you are ready for a new baby.

Thank you so much for that. I really needed to hear that. I am so sorry for you loss years ago. I don't know if I will ever be able to get another bird. The pain of losing him is just so hard to bare. I don't know if I can set myself up for another heartache. As much joy and comfort as he brought to my life has been taken over by hurt and pain. It's to early now to tell, maybe someday that will change. I just have to get over this first. Thank you once again.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little Gurk! I hope in time you find some peace. I know you have loss a beloved friend and companion in Gurk. I'm so sorry! Gurk is apart of so many happy memories and try to remember all of those times. And I know Gurk had a happy life because of your love and care. I know your will always miss your little quaker. May the thoughts and prayers of those who love you comfort you at this time of sorrow.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers! Once again I'm so sorry!

I too am sorry for your loss having gone thru many myself and always saying never again. But someone once told me - that to love is also to grieve and it's a part of life. Just think of how much joy and love you could show another baby - they will never replace the one you lost but will help you heal. Big hugs your way in your time of sorrow.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am having the worst time I have ever gone through in my life. I know he brought me so many happy times and memories. I am trying to remember those times instead of being sad and crying all the time. Just right now I can't. He was a great beloved friend and companion as you said. He is sorely missed. Once again thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. I really appreciate them.

Tina




Nancy,
Thank you so much for you kind words. My husband and I really do appreciate them. Maybe someday we can get another little baby to love. However right now it's just to hard. We just keep thinking of how much this hurts and we don't want to set ourselves up for this kind of pain again. I know someday the pain will fade and my thoughts and memories will turn to happy times with my baby Gurk. Right now, all I can do when I think of him is cry. I just wonder how long the hurt will last? Once again thank you for your condolences, we do appreciate them.

Tina

Awww Im so sorry too...a little gift he must of been. They are gifts arent they?!
This is for you Tina...
Huggs
Janet

I'm Still Here

I was near you, by your bed last night; I came to have a peek.
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.

I chattered to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you. I'm well. I'm fine. I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast. I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached out to me.

I was with you at my grave today. You tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you, that I am not lying there.

I flew with you back towards the house. As you fumbled for your key,
I gently touched you with a feather, I smiled and said, "It's me."

You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know that I was perching there.

It's possible for me to be so near you everyday
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."

You sat there very quietly, and then smiled. I think you knew
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is over - I smile and watch you yawning
And say, "Good night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll fly across to greet you and we'll enter side by side.

I have many things to show you. There is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out... then come home to be with me.

- Author Unknown -

Janet,
Thank you much for the poem. I printed a copy it and put it on his memorial stand. I can't quite read it yet without crying Someday I will. I know it is beautiful and it will eventually make me feel better. I really appreciate you sending that along with your condolences. Thank you again.

Tina

That is so sad, I am sorry to read about Gurk. Don't be afraid to grieve him, he was a much loved part of your lives, and when the time is right to have another feathered friend you will both know. Take Care.

Tina I really feel your pain and hope one day a new parrot can light up your life again

"No bird will ever take the place of one that was lost, but it's funny antics can bring smiles back to your face and laughter back to your lips. It won't fill the hole left in your heart, but it will make a new place of its own there. You will know when you are ready for a new baby."- Weeza...(couldn't be bothered to quote properly)

I know what you mean, that is exactly what it was like for me when I lost my tiel. It took a few months but then Santi came into my life and has her own big place in my heart.

Oh man, that poem really gets you! It's full on losing a close companion, especially when it doesn't seem his proper time. He should have had many more years than that. How long it aches like you can't breathe, the way I see it anyway, is for as long as you keep that empty space carved out with no new soul to fill it because it's the emptiness and silence that hurts. Once you make that space, it doesn't heal over. It just doesn't. It's agony that there was someone and now they're gone. Forgetting is never going to happen, that's a given. I see that space as a nest. It's already been lined with your last little treasure. He kept it warm and safe and glowing. All that experience you gained and all that hard work and effort and joy and heartache is all packed in there. Please give all that love and experience you still have in you to some other little feathered soul who's looking for it. They're lining up - "me! me! No, me!". There's a new light of a different colour and you will find it if you let yourself look.

I'm so sad for you, Tina. It's the worst thing to go through. All my sympathy to you and yours.

QUOTE (TMR1219 @ Apr 6 2008, 05:57 PM)

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am having the worst time I have ever gone through in my life. I know he brought me so many happy times and memories. I am trying to remember those times instead of being sad and crying all the time. Just right now I can't. He was a great beloved friend and companion as you said. He is sorely missed. Once again thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. I really appreciate them.

Tina




Nancy,
Thank you so much for you kind words. My husband and I really do appreciate them. Maybe someday we can get another little baby to love. However right now it's just to hard. We just keep thinking of how much this hurts and we don't want to set ourselves up for this kind of pain again. I know someday the pain will fade and my thoughts and memories will turn to happy times with my baby Gurk. Right now, all I can do when I think of him is cry. I just wonder how long the hurt will last? Once again thank you for your condolences, we do appreciate them.

Tina

Your so welcome Tina! If you need anything, just to talk I'm a pm away!
Been thinking of you lots and praying for you and your family~!

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss of Gurk. Sending hugs your way. Don't feel bad that your still crying. Everyone needs to grieve in their own way... Soon the sadness will pass and hopefully you will find love and happiness in a new Fid!

Im aching for your loss. So sorry and thanks for the update. Sending you hugs and prayers.

Thank you so much for that. Sometimes I feel like nobody except people who have these wonderful creatures can understand the pain and heartache that goes along with losing one. I appreciate your kind words.

Tina





I just don't think I can set myself up for that kind of heartache again. The pain is so bad I don't know if I ever want to go through that kind of pain again. Who knows? I might be wrong. Now I am just hurt, and angry. I might get over that someday and open my heart to a new little one. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me as well.

Tina

That is a wonderful way to put it. And it makes sense to me it really does. However,as I have said, I just don't know if I can put myself through that again. As much joy and love as he brought to my life, losing him has brought just as much pain and sorrow. He was my world and I am lost without him. You are right, he can't be replaced nor forgotten. But what we did, so that there would be no temptation is we donated all of his things. His cages, scale, food. vitamins, travel cage and everything to the animal hospital. I thought they would get better use of it than we would. We couldn't sit around here looking at it. Maybe someday we'll be able to move on, just not now. I thank you for your logic and kind words.

Tina





Thank you so much for that. I feel like a baby for crying all the time. It has been just over 3 weeks and I'm still crying every night. I just don't know how to get past this. Someday maybe we can move on. Thanks for you kind words. they mean a lot to us.

Tina





Thank you so much for that. As soon as I talk to the doctor I will be sending along another update. Thank you for your hugs and prayers. They are greatly excepted and deeply needed.

Tina

I am really sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose what one loves so much. Just remember you did all you could and gave him a happy life and he is still with you in your heart.
Hugs
IMPy

Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes you are right he is still in my broken heart, where he will always be. We really did do everything we could for him. I only hope he's not in pain anymore and that he's happy somewhere flying free with others that we have all lost. Thanks again.

Tina

SOFT WHISPER
by Lanie Blackmon

My best friend spoke to me last night
a soft whisper in my ear.
I woke up and looked around the room,
I was startled, yet I had no fear.

My best friend said that all is fine
Rainbow Bridge is so much more.
That there was so much love up there,
even a beautiful ocean shore.

There are fields and fields of green green grass
and the sky has different shades of blue.
There are flowers, mountains, trees and clouds,
everything they said it was, is true.

My best friend whispered in my ear last night
saying "Please don't cry or be sad.
That what was done, had to be done,
for me to live my life now, so be glad."

My best friend said that I did the right thing
an unselfish act on my part.
And that the pain and sadness I feel
will be gone soon from my heart.

I asked my best friend, "How could this be
I miss you so much everyday.
That my heart hurts so much for you,
I wish there could of been another way."

My best friend whispered in my ear last night
"You will always be in my heart.
Go on and live and love another,
because we will never really be apart."

My best friend whispered in my ear last night
"It's time for me to go towards the light.
I just wanted to stop and say to you
Go on my best friend, I'll be alright."

"I carry your unconditional love with me
I have done this from the very start."
I whispered back to my best friend last night,
"I'll always love you with all my heart."

"So goodbye my best friend," as I looked up at the sky
A shooting star I see in a straight line
Moving fast across the sky and out of sight,
I whispered, "Goodbye my best friend. Now, I'll be fine."


**************

Lend Me A Bird
"I will lend to you for a while, a bird", God said.
For you to love him while he lives and to mourn for him when he is dead.

Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe for two or three.
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you and should his stay be brief,
You'll always have his memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise that he will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below I want this bird to learn.

I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true.
And from the folks that crowd life's land, I have chosen you.

Now will you give him all your love; nor think the labor vain;
Nor hate me when I come to take my lovely bird again?

I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, thy will be done,
for all the joys this bird will bring, the risk of grief we'll run."

Will you shelter him with tenderness?
Will you love him while you may?
And for the happiness you'll know forever grateful stay?

But should I call him back much sooner than you've planned;
Please brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.

If, by your love, you've managed, my wishes to achieve,
In memory of him you've loved; be thankful; do not grieve.

Cherish every moment of your feathered charge.
He filled your home with songs of joy the time he was alive.
Let not his passing take from you those memories to enjoy.

"I will lend to you, a Bird", God said, and teach you all you have to do.
And when I call him back to heaven, you will know he loved you too.

(Author Unknown)

**********


He opened his eyes ... as if he woke from a dream. All around him were the sights and sounds of the most beautiful place he had ever seen. A tropical paradise, with lush green foliage and trees of every kind, stretching as far as he could see towards the most beautiful blue sky he had ever seen. A short distance away, he could hear the sound of a waterfall, and found himself feeling very thirsty. Without thinking, he stretched his wings and with a short hop, flew up into the sky, towards the waterfall.

He landed at the base of the waterfall, on a stone perfectly placed in the calmest part of the small pond that formed there, to take a drink. Looking down into the water, he saw his reflection for the first time since awaking. Amazed, he gazed at the beautiful bird looking back at him ... hardly believing what he saw! He had all his feathers, and his plumage was glossy and bright, not at all dull and plucked like he remembered! He was confused, and happy at the same time!

He dipped his beak into the fresh, cool water, enjoying the sights and sounds of the beautiful oasis. Suddenly, he could hear the sounds of a powerful, large bird, coming towards him. The magnificent red, blue and yellow bird, the largest he had ever seen, landed gently, a short distance away. He looked at the beautiful bird, and asked ... "Who are you?"

"I'm Dante, the Scarlet Macaw", replied the magnificent bird.

"Where am I, Dante?" asked the little green bird.

"You are at the entrance to the Rainbow Bridge, Gurk," replied Dante.

"What am I doing here? And why am I so beautiful?"

"Waiting," replied Dante. "We all come here to wait, all of us of the animal world, who have lived amongst the humans. We wait until our companions come to claim us, to take us up into heaven. You are beautiful, because this is how you have always looked inside," said Dante.

Just then, off in the distance, a beautiful rainbow appeared in the sky. "Come on, Gurk! I'll show you!" and with a powerul thrust of his strong, beautiful wings, Dante alighted into the sky. Gurk opened his beautiful wings, marvelling at the sheen and lustre, and took off after Dante. They flew for a short while, enjoying the rise and fall of the warm air currents beneath their wings, until they came to a large meadow bordering on a long, meandering stream. In the center of the meadow a bridge appeared, made out of light, and shining with every color of the rainbow. Dante and Gurk found a tree to land on in the meadow, so they could watch what was going on. All around them animals of every type and species had gathered to watch the miracle unfold. Over the bridge, they could see the most beautiful thing, an angel, almost, crossing the bridge towards the meadow. In the meadow a strange assortment of animals had gathered at the foot of the bridge. Gurk could see cats, dogs, mice, even a horse!

"What are those animals doing?" asked Gurk.

"They are meeting their human companion. That is her coming over the bridge now!" replied Dante.

Gurk watched as the shining being crossed over the bridge. When the being crossed to the animals, the animals rejoiced! The cats jumped up into the arms of the being, and the dogs ran circles around her legs, barking and yipping, everyone was so happy! As the being and the animals crossed back over the bridge, the animals turned and said "Farewell, see you on the other side soon!"

Gurk turned to Dante, and asked, "I wasn't with my companion for very long, will she come for me?"

Dante replied, "Don't worry, Gurk. When you are loved, your human will come for you. Heaven just would not be heaven to them, without us to keep them company!"

"How long will I have to wait?"

"Not long, Gurk, not long!" And with that, Dante beat his powerul wings, and rose up into the sky.

"See you around, Dante!" Gurk yelled. Just then, hundreds of parrots, all of his own species flew from the distance and approached the the tree that Gurk was perched on. "Come on, Gurk!" they cried. "Come and wait with us! You will be called when it is your time to cross!" and with that, Gurk was up in the sky, joining the flock, safe in the knowledge that he would soon be with his companion in heaven.

Thank you so much for the poems. I cried so hard reading them, but they are beautiful. I appreciate them.

Tina