Saturday night we lost Peapod, my dear, sweet baby of nearly 15 years. I raised him since he was 6 weeks old, and he's been with me over half my life. I bought him a harness and leash to take him outside safely and he panicked and jumped in to it and got it caught around himself. I heard a loud pop and he jumped on top of his cage, and I heard him take deep breathes, and blood bubbled out of his mouth. He looked at me with those sweet little eyes and fell forward on to the top of his cage, and there was so much blood coming out of his mouth. I screamed and I wrapped him in a towel, and we took off right away to the hospital, but I knew he didn't have time. I felt him go before we got there, and I felt his soul leave - and with it mine.

Peapod was the absolute light of my life - he was such a big part of me, my life was built around him. I recently got a new job with a great company and was working from home on and off, with some travel. I installed a webcam for him, I checked every hour all day when I was gone. I called him on speakerphone. As I type this I'm having so much trouble. I haven't been able to sleep, eat, or stop breaking down. My soul is gone, my spark is gone with him. I don't know what to do. Things at work are starting to slip, and I'm having to ask people to work around my problems - they've been great so far.

We're preserving part of his DNA in cryo storage, and I'm hopeful one day he'll be back. We went to church and God told me I'll see him one day - I just can't wait to see him, with the angels. He was so precious to our whole family. I have never seen my Mom, Dad, Sis, all cry the way we have. We're such a mess without him. They've already put me on two different drugs and a sleep med, but none of it's working. At this point I can barely type this message, I'm so weak. He is still everywhere I look, I still hear him, smell him, and feel him. My Mom and I keep offering him food, and make sure he's tucked in. We keep passing by his cage to talk to him, because we keep expecting him to be there. He called us all by name, he was so smart - he was so handsome and brave - he was perfect. I have never known a creature such as Pod before, and I have never known another to exist. He was truly exceptional in every way. I need help, but I can't figure out what our where to go. I need him back - I'd give anything, everything. . . .

I am just so deeply sorry for your loss. I am so sorry.......We are here for you

OH Honey!!! I am so very sorry, my heart is breaking for you and the tears falling. What a horrible accident to have happen and to witness. I know what a big part of our lives they become. Wishing you peace and sending you hugs and love. Know that we do understand what you are going through as most of us have been through it too. I hope someday this poem I am adding will help in some way, it has helped me.

Lend Me A Bird
"I will lend to you for a while, a bird", God said.
For you to love him while he lives and to mourn for him when he is dead.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe for two or three.
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you and should his stay be brief,
You'll always have his memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise that he will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below I want this bird to learn.
I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true.
And from the folks that crowd life's land, I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love; nor think the labor vain;
Nor hate me when I come to take my lovely bird again?
I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, thy will be done,
for all the joys this bird will bring, the risk of grief we'll run."
Will you shelter him with tenderness?
Will you love him while you may?
And for the happiness you'll know forever grateful stay?
But should I call him back much sooner than you've planned;
Please brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.
If, by your love, you've managed, my wishes to achieve,
In memory of him you've loved; be thankful; do not grieve.
Cherish every moment of your feathered charge.
He filled your home with songs of joy the time he was alive.
Let not his passing take from you those memories to enjoy.
"I will lend to you, a Bird", God said, and teach you all you have to do.
And when I call him back to heaven, you will know he loved you too.
(Author Unknown)

I am so sorry for your loss - my tears are falling with yours right now, I'm so sad for you. Big hugs your way and all my prayers and condolances. I'm so sorry...

I am so sorry for you and your family. the loss of someone so loved is never easy. it sounds like he was one very special fid.

I am so so sorry for you loss. I am crying just reading your post. (((HUGS)))

I am so very very sorry for your loss

My eyes are raining with yours. I am so sorry. I wish I knew how to ease your pain. I will ask God to help you with that. Just know we are here for you and that we care.

I am sorry about your loss. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless you.

I'm so very sorry. No words that I could type will ease your pain. How I wish they could but only time can do that. Eventually, the pain will subside and the memories will live on.

I'm glad you came here where everybody understands and supports you as much as it's possible.

I'm SO very sorry for your loss.

Big hugs.

So very very sorry for your loss. I hope peace will come to you soon.

Im in tears for you and so sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers your way.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

I am so sorry for your loss. My tears are flowing with yours. It is so hard to lose the ones we love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...


Rainbow Bridge

I'm sorry for your loss. Rejoice in the time you had with him, and cherish the memories you have of him.

So very sorry for your loss...

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope time will heal the pain and his memory will live with you forever.

Thank you all for the kind words, I know that you truly understand. I never wanted anything other than a Quaker, and he was the best - he was perfect in every way. I planned and planned and everything was perfect for him - his home, his food, his toys. He was so fantastic for me, and I tried to be for him.

I took him to the vet today, where DNA and tissue samples were extracted. I know that I'll never get him all back, but I have hope, I might one day get the chance to see his spirit again before I die. I know to some it will seem ill conceived. I always planned to see him through to the end, and I feel as if our time wasn't up. Additionally, he will have tissue samples taken at the zoo for several reasons. He is so unique, the way he learned, his essence, his intellect, were truly unlike any being's I have encountered, and others saw it. I always thought that he was the very best Mother Nature and God could offer. I have never known anything so magical like that. My family is my foundation, my rock, and he is its very center for us all - it's crumbling without him.

He taught me compassion, selflessness, bravery,persistence (he was so hard headed) enthusiasm, and most of all, unconditional love for those around us and life as a whole. I know that he is Quaker, but his soul . . . . is so much more - it is something, or someone else, his spirit and intelligence so big for such a little bird. I'm having such a hard time with this . . . . he's just . . . . everything to me, and without him . . . . I don't even remember what it was like before him - 15 years of my nearly 27 we were together all day every day. This is a pain I don't feel I can ever recover from - I'm trying, I really am. But, we keep seeing him everywhere . . . . keep hearing him, and I feel him on me. I hear his songs, his voice, his laughter. I can't stop crying and it's tearing me apart.

l've read this over twice now. the first time, l didn't feel up to replying - everyone else had already said all the things running through my mind, but on the second l just wanted to add that, like everyone else, l was at the tear point reading this. the only reason l didn't was b/c l prefer not to bring back my own memories of my lost sweethearts, but l feel for you. this is an...agonising time, to say the least. my hopes go out that you find your way to deal with this in your own time, and in the meantime, l hope the people around you continue to offer you the support you need. l do believe in reincarnation to some extent, so good luck on finding your peapod again someday.
~fishy

Im sendng you extra long hugs and you are in my thoughts and prayers. even i cant have a dry eye rereading this post. i cant imagine life with out my Quaker Xerxey. Hoping that time will help heal the pain.

Oh, oh, oh. That's tragic! I am so sorry to hear about your little friend. Such an unexpected and terrible accident! We are all with you in your obvious grief and loss. I'm so sad for you. It must be so hard. Please take comfort in our loving thoughts.

I always hate seeing posts on this board... I am so sorry for your loss.

I too hate seeing new posts on this forum....I understand your pain and hurt I have still not got over the loss of my JJ its 4 years this September ...Sending hugs from across the miles , I know words can`t help but do know there are many of us who have lost a loves fid/critter and part of our hearts have gone with them....Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...((HUGS))

Thank you everyone for your love and sympathy. Peapod is so special to me and to our family. I just got back from the hospital - I have not been able to sleep, eat, or drink since Saturday, and it finally all took it's toll on me this morning. I'm such a mess right now. The IV fluids given to me at the hospital made me feel well enough physically to walk and finally drink and eat a little, but my head is still so foggy. I can't stop crying - still!

I'm going to try therapy or a counselor tomorrow. I continue to grieve more and more by the day as news gets around. Death of Peapod even reached the San Antonio Zoo, and Dr. Coke has been so supportive and helpful to me, even if he doesn't know it. The cards are starting to come in and each one just rips me to shreds. Peapod is - was - truly significant in so many ways, to so many people.

I'm so sorry and lend on God for comfort! That is the only way your going to get through this is with the Lord! May you be bless and I am sorry!

Peapod has also touched my life. God bless ya and again hugs and prayers for you and your family.

I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I logged on to search how to cope with the terrible two's, at my wits end with all the screaming. Now I find myself crying for your loss and feeling a lot more patience with my little ones.
Big hugs to you and I hope your pain lessens with time.

I know exactly how you feel. It has been 6 weeks today that I lost my baby Gurk. He was my life. He was the light of my life. Without him I am so lost, I just can't seem to move on. I still cry and I mean hard everyday. I have gone through so many boxes of tissues that I should now own stock in the company. I thought I was going crazy. I just don't know how to handle this loss. It consumes me. My heart is so broken I just don't know how to move on or how to heal it. Everyone keeps telling me I need to get another bird. I just can't do it. Gurk was special. He was one of a kind. He can never be replaced and I wouldn't want to try. I don't know that I would be able to give the love I gave to Gurk to another bird. I wouldn't feel right getting another bird and not being able to love it. It wouldn't be right to do that to a beautiful little bird. It's funny, Gurk taught me so much too. He taught me the same things your Peapod taught you. I never knew I could love something so much. And of course I never knew I could hurt so much, or cry so much or miss him anywhere near as much as I do. His doctor said he had the understanding of a 5 year old child and in many ways he acted like a 5 year old child. He is the first pet that I have ever had that loved me for me unconditionally. I still wake up in the morning and think I have to get the baby up. When I leave my house it's really hard for me not to say good bye baby bird I'll be in a little while, I love you. And it's hard coming home and not yelling baby bird we're home. It's even hard making food, because he always ate dinner with us. There are still some foods I can't eat because they were Gurk's favorites. I know a lot of people think I'm crazy and maybe I am, but this loss is the worst I have ever experienced. People keep saying it will take some time and you will get over it and you go and get another bird. I just can't see any of those things happening. I personally feel that once you have experienced the kind of love you give and receive from these very special creatures, it's hard to ever think you are going to find and give that kind of love again. Ok now that I have rambled on long enough. Just know that if you need to talk all you have to do is send me a message. I wished I could take away your pain as well as my own, but nothing will ever do that. I am so sorry for your loss. I am here if you need me.

Angel's Wings

What to say when there are no words. . . .
What can I do to ease your hurt?
So much I would like to do and say,
if only there were some other way.
At a time like this, there's so much to do,
everything changing, everything new.
So much sorrow and heartbreak to bear
please realize how much others care.
We feel your loss and pray for you,
and hope your faith will pull you through.
The tragedy that life has dealt,
by many others, has been felt.
Though deep in your sorrow please try to find,
God has reasons and a purpose in mind.
He promises not to give more than we can take,
though we wonder, He makes no mistakes.
His reasons to us may not be clear,
but listen with your heart and maybe you'll hear.
The silent hush of angel's wings,
peaceful dreams of pleasant things.

Debra Yoder

I too am so sorry for your loss. And the grieving period will take some time. But you must get hold of yourself. Life is precious. And you must not let this tragedy destroy yours. Peapod would not want this for you. Think of the good memories you have had of him. Be glad that you had the time that you did together and know that he is in heaven awaiting you someday. But you are making yourself sick. Dying is part of living and loving. Be glad you had the chance to love him as long as you did. Try to think of something that you can do to make a tribute to him instead. It may help you take your mind off of him for just small bits at a time. Maybe help at a shelter or volunteer at a kitchen for the homeless. Someplace where you can see that we all have trials and tribulations and that you are not alone. Someplace where you might make a diff and do good for someone or something. You have value and the world ahead of you. Peapod would want you to excel in life. Do this for him and yourself. Life will go on. Please make the most of it. I wish you all the luck and will be praying for you.

You are a good person, TMR1213, and that was a generous gesture. I hope you both find some comfort. The best people are people who care. There's too much pain and not enough caring in this world.

Thank you for replying TMR1219. I am so sorry to hear about Gurk and I pray for him and you. I know that there's nothing I can say . . . . to make you feel better. . . . to help. People keep trying to give me advice and words of wisdom, but so much of it isn't helping. The best help and words have been on this forum, people really understand. It sounds like Gurk has the sample place in your heart as Peapod does in mine. We shared everything together, meals, parties, television, and all day - every day. I know what you mean when you say people tell you to just get another bird. Gurk and Peapod have souls closer to human than bird. I keep waking up hearing him, I keep walking over to his cage to feed him and I keep talking to him. I've lost my best friend and my child - it's terrible. The day after Peapod died, my mother took me to church. I was a mess - I could not stop sobbing and shaking in the chapel. But, as I sat there, and I prayed, and asked God for help, I asked him if I would ever see Peapod again. In the clearest voice I was told we would see each other again - but that I'll have to wait. That is the most comforting thing I have heard yet. I am not normally a very religious person - but I believe it in my heart to be true. I'll be online, feel free to PM me anytime.

So, it's been about 2 1/2 weeks since Peapod, my QP, died from an unknown injury sustained while being fit for a harness. Since then, I've gone to and been released from the hospital, gone to far too much therapy, and cried enough to fill an ocean. I still feel totally at my wit's end, and nothing seems to be helping. His loss was so senseless and needless, and so sudden and traumatic for me. I keep replaying it all in my head over and over and over again. I'm back at work, but my mind is only on him. I've been unable to sleep for more than a couple hours at once, I have intense dreams and wake up screaming or I wake up, run to where he used to be, and he's not there. I have random panic attacks all day long - it's making me go crazy. If anyone out there has any ideas for me, please, private message me or please let me know here. Thanks in advance.

Heya, just looking back thru old posts and wanted to bump up poor nicB's last comment. Hope you are okay, wherever you are.