I have my mother living with me who is 85. She hates Pico. When I sing or play with him she says I'm crazy.It's my house .(She rents a few rooms) She is always saying if anyone heard me they would think I'm nut's. She is always critisizing me.If someone is over and i show them Pico She Say's don't go on about that stupid bird they will think your so imature and crazy in the head. I can never please her- no-one could. All my life she has told me I'm a loser etc. etc. She say's that about all her 3 kids and grandchildren. She has told me and my sister that she wishes she never had kids that we are all dissapointments to her.We have all had led respectable lives and all worked for a living and have never gotten into trouble or done drugs etc.I think I turned out just fine. She has never said anything nice to me. I don't know how much longer I can take it help! She has never told me she is proud to have me as a daughter or congradulated me on anything Iv'e done in my life. I have so many bad memories of my childhood . I'm sorry to go on and on but she is so hard to live with. She yells and screams about the smallest things and when youv'e gone through having cancer and surviving that I see life so differently now every day is too be enjoyed but it's impossible when someone cuts you up every minute I'm in the same room with her.Thanx for listening guys.I just had to vent.

Aw honey, try not to let her get you down. I know that is easier said than done, and I can speak on this one from experience.

My relationship with my mother is *rocky* to put it nicely. She is difficult. Always has been and always will be. There is nothing I can do or say to change her behavior. Therefore, in order to not lose my mind, I had to change my reactions to her behaviors.

It has taken years. I am not exaggerating. Every time she opens her mouth to attempt to cut me down I smile and nod and tell her the conversation is over and go on about my way. She is finally beginning to learn that I will not be spoken down to, screamed at, or verbally abused. I will not listen to her insult me or my family or my life choices. I will do my best to be a good daughter and in this case, a good daughter is one who steers clear of the storm.

No one can tell you what to do or how to do it. Just do what it takes to bring yourself some peace. HUGS

As you said, its your house. IF she's on you all the time just be direct with her and tell her. LOOK...this is my house, not yours, you are my guest, there fore if you want to remain here in MY house you'll keep a civil tongue in your head. If you don't like the bird, you can stay in your room where you don't have to see him. Or hear me talking to him. If you can't do that then you can find another place to reside.

You're an adult, you don't have to take the crap from her just because she's your mother. You can tell her if she thinks she has it so rough with you she can try a nursing home for a while and see how that goes.

Whether she's renting the rooms from you or not and whether you need that income or not has little to do with the way she's treating you. Don't let her bully you just because she's 85. Sit her down and tell her how it is and how its going to be and if she doesn't like it...she'll move. But if you don't stand up to her she'll continue to belittle you every chance she gets.

Sorry your having to deal with this.

added to that... you can show her your maturity by offering to find her somewhere else to live if she can't handle the Pico.. . . you have a right to enjoy whatever activities/ or lifestyle you wish without being put down.. I would definitely have a blunt conversation with her and ensure that she understands the severity of the situation because it is toxic not only for you, the bird but also your mom since she obviously isn't happy...

Suggest some changes to be made (ie. maybe helping to make her living area more suitable for her so she can stay out of your space or as i mentioned offering to help her find somewhere more suitable..

I know it is hard because she is your mom and you prob feel obligated to put up with it.. try and put your happiness first... it is your house..

wow... a lot you said about your mom really hit home with me. growing up my older sister, me, or my younger brother could ever do anything to make her happy. i would bring home my report card with A's and B's and she'd say if i really tried applying myself i would have gotten straight A's.

after i moved out (at the ripe old age of 29) she called me one night to tell me that i was fat. she wanted to be the one to tell me so that my friends wouldn't have to. that hurt so bad and pushed me further towards binging and purging. i sent her a letter telling her how hurt i was and not to contact me again... i would contact her when i was ready. it took a few weeks but i talked to her and told her that she's never once said anything GOOD to me and from now on if she didn't have anything nice to say i didn't want to hear it.

that worked for me but she just picked on my sister, brother and my niece and nephew more. my siblings could fend for themselves but i couldn't NOT tolerate the mean things she'd say in front of the kids. she constantly told my sister how bad her kids are (with them sitting right there) when in fact her kids are VERY well behaved. my niece is a good eater but my no means fat or chunky but my mom would say "ashley, you'd better watch how much you eat or you'll get fat". ashley is 10.

so i confronted my mom right before christmas 2006... i told her everything that has bothered me since i was a kid thru adulthood. she kicked me out of her house and i didn't talk to her for a year. she called me december 2007 to invite me over for christmas because "no one should be alone on christmas" and i went.

things have been better but then again we haven't talked about what happened that day i confronted her. i LOVE my mom and thru therapy i've learned to accept her for who she is. i don't have to like what she says and does but i don't have to stand for it either and now she knows that.

stay strong! you know you're not crazy for loving Pico. there are thousands of people who treat their dogs and cats and birds like children. there is nothing wrong with showing love for an animal!!

Sorry to read about that. Hope it will blow over soon. Hugs to you.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please remember that it is your home, and I am sure you worked hard for it and you can be proud of what you have accomplished, do not loose site of that. Your Mom sounds like she maybe unhappy with herself and takes it out on you, do not let it bring you down as well although it must be very difficult. She will one day have to answer for the way she has treated you. You on the other hand will have a clear conscience knowing you gave her a place to live and were a loving, kind daughter. God knows and sees all. One more thing you go right on singing, playing or whatever "crazy" thing you want to do with little Pico we all understand that one! God Bless You, Julie

Thanx Guys. I always tell her how I feel and she will not talk to me for days.I tell her not to say anything negitive to me only speak to me if you have something nice to say. It dosen't work. The problem is she has an anerism that is going to burst soon. It will be fatal. She has had it for a few yrs. and it's at the critical point. She dosn't have much time left. I'm the only one who will put up with her. She can't have an operation due to her heart. She has had 2 heart attacks. I know I have to just put up with it she will never change. I know deep inside that she will always be that way and I will just grin and bear it. I have tried everything everyone has suggested on here but nothing works.My brother has nothing to do with her at all and my sister moved 4 hrs. away because she had had enough.I'm all she has.Thanx for all your advise guys. I feel better now.

I'm sorry to hear she has the anurism, but she can still make an effort to get along with you. You shouldn't have to take her abuse. Maybe if you put it across to her as something like. Mom, how do you want me to remember you...a mean whiney old witch or a loving, kind mother... And that you'd prefer it to be a kind and loving mother, but she's really forcing it to be the other way around.

You are very welcome and hang in there. You are doing the right thing and are a kind and caring person to take care of your Mom. You can vent anytime you need to with us. Julie

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but hang on and be as nice as you can and try not to let it get to you. When she is gone, you won't have anything to regret since as you say, you're all she has. You can comfort yourself with the thought that you're doing the best you can for her. Easy for me to say, I know.

((((((((Esther C))))))) Big hug from me to you!

I, too, am sending you big (((hugs))).
Daily, I am confused about the way people treat others.
You know what helps me when I have to deal with horrible people ... I pray for them.
I pray that they would feel a warm embrace from God and they would truly feel the depth of his love. Maybe some day they will, and maybe they won't. But I did what I could.
No regrets. I want to live my life with no regrets. Life is too short.

We all need to keep our boundaries safe and protected.
You know .... the Esther in the bible was a queen ! And you are too!

Esther, sending BIG HUGS your way. I remember when my Mom had cancer.........she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. During the 3 years she had it, about 9 months into, she got really mean. I couldn't understand it, but I knew that one day she would no longer be around and I had to bite my tongue when she acted that way. I know it is hard for you because your Mom lives with you. When you need a BIG HUG, come here and we all will give you one!

Esther, I'm sorry to hear this but it does happen...I can't imagine how you feel but I can about guess.....I like what Berlie said, pray for them and also what Julie (peppe) said about your mother being unhappy with herself....and that certainly is possible.....

I don't have any advise other than when mom is around you, get your earplugs ready and use them.....
I do hope that things will level out for you....My prayers are with you.....

sorry, but i think the old lady needs a kick in the pants.
i can't believe other people offer the passive advice of praying for someone who has basically abused u since childhood.
when u finally come into ur own u confront ur tormentor & tell her where she should go.
the nicest people always get abused i've noticed.
communing with birds, other animals is perfectly normal... those who can't do it r evolutionarily unadvanced as a species which makes up about 80% of the population or more.
u have been abused, unsupported, unurtured... that can screw u up for life.
i know, my mother married a man who not only abused me sexually but on other levels as well.
i do not pray for the schmuck; as it is he's a born again christian & as i've witnessed among other born agains, the biggest hypocrite that ever lived (...)
ur biological mother is not from the same spiritual place as u.
what u basically have to consider is why u have had to deal with such an unloving person as a mother.... in this life. it's the kind of q. i came up with.
in any case, at age 85 she should understand her place in the hierarchy of things.
Please, stand up for urself, finally!!!
U will start ur road to healing this way. otherwise she will continue to treat u like a child & u will continue to feel hurt, unloved, etc.
Seeking professional counseling would also prove very helpful.

peace
van

I am so very sorry that you are in this situation. Sounds like there isn't any way out of it. On one hand you want to stand up for yourself, but on the other hand, this is your mother and she is dying.

I'm not usually one to stand by and take cr*p from any one, but I think in this instance I would. I would do what Joni said and just nod your head and change the direction of the conversation. It won't be easy, but at this point you don't have much choice left.

Sending big hugs your way and lots of good thoughts. I truly hope you and your mother can make amends before it is too late.

Yes I do have ear plugs but I put them in at night due to my mom's snoring. Thank-you again for the comments -it has helped me -thanx for listening.

Esther, sometimes it just helps to vent especially to those not close to the situation. Thanks for sharing the cute pictures, the one of Pico is darling, your kitty is beautiful and you must keep smiling (it is good for the soul). I will keep you in my prayers, Julie

Esther, I was reading another thread and saw a pic you posted of Pico on a play stand, that looks awesome did you make it yourself? It is different from any that I have seen before.

I bought Pico's stand at Pet Smart.They had a lot of different ones. It has a ladder I can put on it too but he dosen't like it.

Wow that's great I have never seen that one at Pet Smart, I will have to keep my eye out for it. I did get one from there but it is not that unique.

Well well, I see my mother has made it back here. I thought she passed in '85, but that's her all right.

When your mother says you are a failure or haven't done well, ask her where she would be living if not for you. It's hard to hurt your mom's feelings, but they didn't mind hurting ours.

If she keeps on at you, tell you in a nice way, "You may have never wanted children, you don't like your children, you never have, but you gave us our needs, a home and nourishment when we were small. We are now returning the favor even though you are not a child. That makes us even, so let it be." Let her think about that for a while

Think about it this way. A castle can onkly have one Queen. If you let her have her way all the time, she's it!

My ex daughter-in-law is going through the same thing. Her mom has lived with her for 3 years and never added one dime to the budget. They hurt each other's feelings all the time, that's why they do NOT need to live in the same house. She has to ask her mom to let her watch what she wants to see on her own TV. She has let her have her way ever since she came there and now it's very difficult to change.

Always START a situation out like you want it to end up.

I have a mother-in-law who is 92. She and my FIL, who just passed away 3 weeks ago, went with us on our vacation one year and I said nothing when they said, "Oh, I think we'll do this every year"....so...they did...for 34 years. I could kick my own bootie.
Now she wants to live with me and I said NO WAY. I have had enough of her, so she is in an assisted living facility.

I really feel for you.

I'm so sorry to hear you've had such a hard time! I also come from the "my mother and I dont' get along" pool. We do better now, but it took me having 3 kids and telling her off but good when I was pregnant with my last, to get anywhere. Her comment on finding out I was pregnant was less than motherly. Something to the effect of oh great, just what you need! Well never ever peeve off a pregnant lady! I left, and went back and confronted her one on one. I explained how it was my life, thank you for raising me to have the morals to actually have the child, etc.. etc.. I amazed myself. Our relationship after was touchy, still is, but now many years later I know our bounds and know that even though she'd be there in a bad situation, not to count on her to be a friend.
I do wonder though at your mother's age, if it's getting worse, that you rule out anything medical? Just an idea.
I hope you keep your chin up and things improve for all of you.

{hugs}
Lisa & Tobey

Sending hugs to you...the only advice I can give is take the high road and stay positive, remember she still is your mother and she is very ill. If you need to vent come here, we will always be here for ya.

Well if talking to your bird makes ya crazy, Some body better lock me up and fast.LOL You should hear how I go on and on.
I talk to my baby's all day. From other rooms in the house. We call back and forth to each other. Hey what if you told her you were crazy!!!!! and kinda just crossed your eyes or something. Maybe just to get her to lighten up. Maybe god wanted you to know just how kind and loving you can be. It's easy to love when people are nice to us. (at least some of the time) True love is a act that requires no love to be given back. Your doing that by taking care of someone who doesnt know how to love back. Please dont
take anything she says to heart. The proof of who you are is right there in alll the ways you have to sacrifice yourself and your home. Sounds to me like you are a very loveing and kind and good person. Hang in there.

HUGS

After going back and reading that your mother is ill, it makes a difference. My mother's last visit to me was at Christmas time just before she had a stroke and a heart attack. For some reason, we got along better than we ever had. She was nasty to me when she arrived and she stayed 6 weeks. About mid-visit, I decided I would comment nicely if she spoke nicely and if she started her demonic comments, I'd ignore her liike I do the birds when they screech for me to come and take them out.
After a couple of days of ignoring her, she quit. I was later glad because that's the last time I saw her before she went to the hospital and nursing home with a stroke and heart attack and lasted only 4 months. It was our best time together and the last half of it was pretty good after YEARS of mmental and emotional wrecks!
Best wishes to you in this difficult time.