My uncle committed suicide yesterday (or at least was found yesterday), and I'm still coming to terms with it. He is the first of my Dad's siblings (there are eight boys in all) to die. It just came out of nowhere. Lou struggled with alcholism and with depression, but had been better for the last few years. Recently, the family has been most focused on another one of the brothers, Jeff, and his fight with malignant melanoma. Lou even came in from California when Jeff first got sick to help cart my grandmother to and from Chicago to be with him. He was so amazing, so helpful. I just saw him a few months ago, hugged him, thanked him for helping in such a difficult time. And now, poof. Kent, (another brother) saw him recently and said he thought something was wrong, that he had started drinking again, but yesterday was the first most of the family heard of it.

My grandmother is eighty three and lives for her boys. Recently she's been trying to be Jeff's primary care-giver and has been perhaps pushing herself too hard. I'm so afraid this will kill her. She's a very very devote Catholic, which should help her, but no mother should have to bury her son... especially because he chose to die. She's just devasted, destroyed. I talked to her today, and she's as good as can be expected, but she's just so broken hearted. It's hard to tell what the long term affect will be, because of course she's ruminating and crying and overwhelmed now. But will she rally? She's been so frail the last few years... even before this the worry about her has been palpable. I'm so scared for her. Our family needs her so much...

He hung himself, and his daughter, just months younger than me (23) found him. This is the second time she's found him after a suicide attempt, only this time he was successful. Valerie (his daughter) is in California and my heart is breaking for her. She can't come to Indiana for the service (long story) and I wish so much I could do something, ANYTHING for her. Her life hasn't been easy, and in large part because of her father's struggles. To have to find him... I can't imagine it.

And the brothers! They are so hurt, and so very angry. I am so sad for Lou, for my grandmother, for the family. But most of them are so mad underneath their pain. I wish they weren't angry, because I even though I know that in this situation, Lou's life choices led him here, I also know that to do what he did, he had to be hurting so deeply. They are hurt to be left behind, hurt to see their mother and Jeff (who is fighting for his life with cancer)to have to suffer. I know it's completely natural, but I'm just surrounded by so much pain right now. My sister is in Korea, teaching, and can't come home. She's a wreck. My other sister is seventeen and just overwhelmed by it.

And all I have is pity and concern. I feel so overwhelmed. I want to go to everyone and I'm limited. Tomorrow I'm going to grandmother's with my dad. I hope I'll get a little peace by helping.

I know at least Lou isn't hurting anymore. And I hope that, eventually, the entire family can learn to love the good in Lou, and forgive the rest.

Thank you for listening. You don't know what it means to me to have a place to vent these feelings to people who I care for, but who I also know won't be further upset by my own struggles with this. I need people to lean on who I don't feel guilty about further burdening. Thank you for that. I never in a million years thought I would be sharing something this personal online, but I truly feel I'm among friends.

I am so, so sorry to hear about your uncle and your whole family! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

I'm so sorry for your loss. A couple of things occured to me as I read your post.
First of all, anger is a very natural step in grieving. To deny this would be far more harmful than acknowledgeing it.

About depression, it is so often not "about" a certain thing.....it's how the mind processes it. Depression certainly makes bad things seem even worse, but try to remember that this is an illness or chemical imbalance or both.

As for your grandmother....any lady with 8 sons is bound to be pretty tough. Just keep loving her, make sure she knows it, and do whatever you can to help/support her.

My theory about all things in the past: Remember the good times; try to understand how the tough times affected you and what you can learn from them. Then let go as much as you can of the tough things. You have just been reminded how precious life is; go on living as if every day might be your last.

I certainly don't have answers for everything, but I do know something of these things. I have fought depression my entire life, suffered through several kinds of abuse, been divorced and had a heart attack and breast cancer. I only mention these things to let you know that I'm not just blowing smoke.

Hold close to those you love, cherish each day.

Wishing you the best,
Trish

What a shock for you. I am terribly sorry you are going through this and glad that you find this forum a safe haven to share your sadness. You know our thoughts and prayer will be with you and your entire family.

Jen

I'm so sorry for your familie's loss. Not JUST a loss, but a tragic way to lose someone you love.

I have seen through my 70 years that the older I get, the stronger I get about things I can do absolutely nothing about. I hope your grandmother will realize there is nothing anyone can do except cry with her and pray that God will give her a short period of grief and bring the good memories forward in her mind and heart.

In Psychology classes one learns how to rid themselves of grief as soon as possible and find ease of pain. You take each bad, sad or tragic thing and put it in a bubble in your mind. You send the bubble up like a helium baloon and just as it goes out of sight in your mind's eye, you pop it and send it away. It sounds crazy, but it works. Many people do this when they retire at night, as they lay there going to sleep. They feel better in the morning. It works pretty well with depression as well as tragic events.

Having said that, I want to wish your family peace and sweet memories.
Be blessed an hold your grandmother tight (but gently) and tell her there are people in cyberspace that cry with her because we care .

I really don't know what to say.. how horrible for you all, no wonder everybody is hurting so bad, but the one thing about Families is that YOU can all pull together to help each other along the way and to be their for your Dad's mum during this sad time. My thoughts go out to you all, hang in there.

Sending my thoughts and prayers to you and your family during this difficult time.

i'm so sorry... for you and everyone in your family. just make sure you allow yourself to go thru all the steps of the grieving process. don't stay angry.

your uncle was depressed about something and depression can be SO overwhelming that ending life seems like the only way out. i know because i've been right at that edge but chose to try living and working thru my problems again.

be there for your grandma... she's going to need you... even if it's just for a hug.

I so sorry to hear what has happened in your family Becky....It's great that you are going over to grandmas today...My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family....
Trish summed it up pretty well.....
I'll be praying for your comfort and strength .........

When i was about 12 years old my favorite uncle Jack shot himself .. he was an alcoholic the booze just didnt do it for him no more .. as i am typing this i have tears in my eyes.. your story hits real close to home .. 46 years later i am still in sorrow over his death... i am so sorry for your loss....

I am so sorry for you and your family. May your uncle finally rest in the peace he was unable to find in life.
Will be thinking of you often,
Christy

I am so sorry for your loss. Suicide is such a painful and angry loss for those left behind, worse than accident or illness, as the person CHOSE to end his life.

I hope your family can heal each other and be there for each other as you go thru the grief process over your uncle's death.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry.

Becky, I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you, and your family. May you all find peace within yourselves and each other.

Ohhh Becky

I am so very sorry for the loss suffered by you and your family. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers...

Iam sorry to read of your loss. Thoughts and prayers are for you and family. Hugs your way

Becky, I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family... big hugs to all.

becky please know that you are in my thoughts. my family went thru this situation twice in 2 years' time. my uncle, then my cousin a year later (paternal uncle, maternal cousin). it's never easy, and i know it's very soon right now, but there is hope ahead. just keep the memories alive and that will help alot.

kris

Becky, my heart goes out to you and especially your Grandmother. I lost my only son, Jeff to suicide almost 9 years ago. I was the one that found him and it will NEVER go away. It gets easier with time. The only thing that saved me was FAMILY. I was angry in the beginning and alot of different emotions. I was on all sorts of different medications to help me cope. I kept saying to myself that I needed to remember my son's LIFE not his DEATH. I won't say it was easy, because it wasn't. Now almost 9 years later I can look at pictures without falling apart. Sending very special prayers to you and your family.

Im so sorry too what heartbreak! My heart really goes out to you and all of your family Becky!

Thanks. You're all wonderful.

I too am so very sorry for your loss. Please remind your family that depression is a mental illness... and mental illness is just as much a disease as is cancer. You had two uncles very seriously ill. One of them just happened to have an illness that most people can't accept as a valid disease. With acceptance comes peace. My prayers are for your family to embrace the good memories.