Two men landed themselves a job at a saw mill. Just before morning the one yelled, "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here... No! There goes another one!"
lol
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A man wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the man to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The man understood and was ready.
The time came to have the man jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded him that he would be right behind him. The man proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the man.
The man seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Two guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?"
"I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."