Bonding & Overbonding in Parrots
by Heike Ewing Ott
Having a tight bond with a mate is natural for parrots, but when overbonding occurs in our living rooms, it can cause some problems. This article looks at the different types of bonds that parrots form with other parrots and with us. It will also help you identify whether your bird has overbonded with you or not.
Indications of parrot/human bonding, loosely in order by strength and the progression of bonding.
- The parrot ceases other activity and watches the human when visible, but shows no fear or nervousness.
- The parrot parallels the human’s movements and vocalizes when the human talks.
- The parrot will make direct eye contact with the human and vocalize, and responds directly and vocally when the human talks to it.
- The parrot moves towards the human when the human is near the cage.
- The parrot will accept food from the human’s hand and eat it. (At this point, the parrot passes the “technical” definition of tame.)
- The parrot will step onto the human hand when pushed to do so and/or sit on the human without biting.
The parrot will tolerate petting without trying to get away or bite.
- The parrot willingly steps up when asked to, and accepts petting with some evidence of enjoyment.
- The parrot calls for the human when the human is out of sight, and/or screams when the human leaves its sight.
The parrot initiates conversation and play, and climbs onto the human without invitation.
- The parrot preens and grooms the human.
- The parrot solicits petting and preening, and allows “unpleasant” handling such as being groomed or turned upside down.
- (total bonding) The parrot shows obvious complete trust of the human, accepts any handling including restraint and grooming, and occasionally attempts to feed or display typical “courting” behavior to the human.
Symptoms of overbonding:
- The parrot screams and performs aggressive displays such as attacking toys whenever the human talks to or pays attention to another human or bird.
- The parrot is only happy when on or close to the human, and constantly preens and attempts to feed/court the human.
- The parrot will not tolerate petting or handling by any human except the chosen one.
- The parrot attacks/bites any human or animal that the chosen human shows affection for or pays attention to.
The parrot aggressively “defends” the body of the chosen human from all others.
- The parrot will bite and punish even the chosen human for interacting with and/or touching other humans or animals.
The parrot will not accept food or water from anyone except the chosen human, and/or will not eat except in the presence of the chosen human.
Progression of parrot/parrot bonding:
- The birds ignore each other and/or fight over perches, food, etc. (no bond, no relationship.)
- The birds coexist peacefully and sometimes share a perch, but do not eat or play “together.”
- The birds watch each other and perform parallel activities, such as eating or playing at the same times, and regularly communicate with each other vocally. If they are together, one of them sometimes grooms the other, and they will eat from the same dish together without squabbling.
- The birds almost always eat and play at the same times, and sleep side by side, or as close as they can get. (If introducing two birds in side-by-side cages, this is the point at which it is usually safe to put the birds together in a neutral cage, or put the more aggressive bird in the more passive bird’s cage.)
- The birds regularly preen each other, eat, sleep, and play together most of the time.
- The male displays for the female and attempts to feed her.
- The male successfully feeds the female and mates with her. ( They are now considered a bonded pair.)
- They mate and lay eggs, fertile or infertile.
- The pair lay, incubate, and hatch babies.
- The pair successfully raise babies to pull age or wean. (This is now a proven, fully bonded pair.)
Hi, our quaker’s name is Willow. Shes about 2 years old now. She’s wonderful but full of suprises. We read as much as we can on quakers, they are quite different from other species. We have had blue crown conures, and a couple of cockiitals so birds are not forgein in our family. The human bonding part is new to us, she seems to have a “special” bond to my husband. A very close special bond, alittle more than the sexual dance at mating season. She get very upset with us in the morning if him and I have relations the night before. She acts like a jealous lover. She is close to both of us and will tolerate the others. She will even give loves to acouple of friends of ours. Lately she has taken to bitting me as soon as she steps up, up the arm to the shoulder, sometime right away, other times after afew moments, bites my earlobe, hard, very painful. We understand about on the shoulder dominate, over-bonding, lack of attention etc. We spend lots of time with her, all times, lengths of time, differents times of the day. We haven’t a strong schedule anytime of the day, not even a set nite-nite time, she tells us she wants to go to bed(except, at nite-nite we have a “give loves” session between me and him with her.) Yes, she is spoiled somewhat, but has done good with it, except for the biting of me. We haven’t notice anyting that should entice this behavior and have been paying attention to her surroundings etc. Please we need some advise on what to do, or what could be the problem.
Thank you very much, dedicated quaker parents,
Mr. & Mrs. “Willow”
Hi Mr & Mrs Willow, I would try some of the techniques in the following two articles to see if that helps with the biting: How to Prevent Biting and Parrot Taming that Works.
With that said, I feel that a bird earns the right to be allowed on a shoulder with its good behavior. If a bird bites when on the shoulder, I don’t feel the bird should be allowed there. Good luck with Willow.
We have a 2 year old quaker and got her when she was 5 weeks old. We tried to have her around as many people as possible in her early years,so she won`t bond with just one person. She has her moments,now and then,and sometimes favors my husband.Try to spend equal time together with your bird. I have found that keeping your bird in the living room and covering it`s cage at bedtime(or if they are being bad)is a good thing.The living room because your bird can meet company.My bird will say “Hi” and say her name and give visitors kisses.If I could just break her of chewing on my slippers!!!!
Hi my name is Pam i recently got a quaker parrot but not as a baby im not sure how old it is or if it is a male or female. It doesnt like to be handled and it tries to bite. It also will not talk. I dont know much about quaker parrots and was wondering with it being older….do you think it will ever talk and bond with me?
my name is molly i have two quakers one i handfed but the other i did not it will take time and it will talk will it gets really.
Bonding with my new friend has been a great experience. My quaker is about 7 months old and I have had (him??) for about a month. He is very intellegent and has a loving personality. He has learned to dance, step up, laugh and fly to me a short distance. He loves a shower and has been very good to other people who handle him. He is not afraid of my dog and tolorates most of his behavior. He has yet to bite anyone. I try to handle him so that he is used to being handled, such as his wings and feet tail and belly.
I would encourage anyone who would like to experience bird companionship to start with a quaker. I must also tell you that I did some research to study behavior (body language) and needs. This has helped me, however, I would like to know what time of year they breed and at what age they will start to show that they are ready. I do not plan to breed at this time but woud like to understand the behavior and to know what to look for.
At this point I do not know if Nibbles is a male or female so I am sure this will make the answer more difficult but if someone could please give me a little infor I would appreciate it.
The extreme bond that I share with all 3 of my quakers is like no other and you can’t put it into words no man could ever break up the bond between me and my 3 little wonder (quakers) Kiwi now 3 years, Quakey now 1 1/2 years and Tiki now 1 year old I did in fact hand-raise Kiwi and Quakey and in september of 2007 we adopted Tiki who was hand-rasied also by former owner but you would never know becuase of the bond that we share the 3 of them are all so cute and intelligent and have their own personalities the same yet different I take my 3 with me every chance I get and more so to the flea market on the weekends and the 3 of them cease to amaze everyone that they meet,people can’t get over how cute they are, how intelligent they are, how well behaved they are and all stuff like that I share a very very special bond with all 3 of my quakers, a bond that no man can ever break, it’s a life time special uncondtional bond indeed
I have a hand fed five month old quaker that I have had for one week. I do not feel like we are bonding at all. He has a cage the is open all day that he can come in and out of but stays outside tell I put him in at night. He will do the ladder, sit on your finger, don’t bite, sometimes sits on your shoulder but wants to sit on your head and really does not want to eat much. Has toys but does not play with anything. He seems to be happy just sitting on top of the cage all day. Sometimes he jumps off and walk around the floor and allow me to pick him up but wants back on the cage. He seems healthy but no personality. Anything I can do to bond with him?
My husband and I just adopted a 4yr old female quaker parrot named “Lexi.” She seems to have bonded quickly to me but bites my husband. He’s not being very patient or persistent in attempting to handle her since he’s been bit, though. I showed him the link to the article about taming parrots by holding in a towel and I’m hoping he tries that to get her to trust him more. She doesn’t talk though. I had a quaker years ago that was a talking maniac, so this is very strange to me. She’ll make funny little noises but that’s about it. Will she ever talk? Do some just never talk?
I just posted a comment on my quaker not talking as well. Just adopted her and she’s 4yrs old. The people in the store said she’s never talked and so far she hasn’t here either. She’ll make funny little noises but that’s about it. She lets me handle her, gives little birdie kisses and lets me scratch and rub her little head and under her beak but she doesn’t care for my husband at all.
I am in the same boat 5mnths old and seems 2 enjoy his cage the most.. Very cute but no talkin, I hav been informed 2 b patient and all is well so with plenty of love and positive camunication I feel it will work out just fine.. Keep readin all info u can and good luck
Hello – I’m new to this website, but I am not new to owning Quakers or birds at all for that matter. I must admit though, that my 4-year old Quaker, Kermit, has me stumped.
I must also admit that I think I may have made the mistake of allowing him to overbond with me in the beginning, because the children weren’t initially capable of being responsible for him and my husband pretty much refuses to be part of the arrangement although he does enjoy Kermit’s company on occasion. Initially, Kermit was tame and friendly with everyone until he reached about 1 1/2 years old.
Kermit came to me directly from the breeder as a baby, and Kermit LOVES me – I am definitely his mate! He has regurgitated food to me on numerous occasions (although usually in the spring)and is completely bonded and tame with me. I can do ANYTHING to or with this bird. He is clever, sweet and very funny. Has a HUGE personality!
He does go to my husband without ever biting, and he seems to prefer grown men to women. There are a few women he will be very sweet and tame with, but mostly he bites women who try to touch or pick him up. He almost always allows men to pick him up and handle him without nipping or biting EVER. Wierd bird, eh?
The problem is, he does not allow my 10 and 13-year old daughters to touch him at all, but he will allow my 6-year son to touch/hold him sometimes, depending on his mood! Crazy animal. My kids do love him even though he bites, which is a testament to his personality and cleverness.
He has this attack thing going with my eldest daughter especially. He usually leaves the 10-year old alone unless she tries to pick him up or invades “his space.” However, he flies at the 13-year old and tries to bite her wherever he can – even if she is across the room or in another room! He will do this whether or not he is with me, and even when I am not home at all.
We recently allowed his wings to grow – he loves flying and is very adept at landing and hovering. He is fun to play with when he flies. I love how he flies to greet me on command, and when he flies over to kiss my cheek, and so far he has been very obedient and good, except for when he attacks my 13-year old. But…he has been attacking her for almost 3 years now, way before his wings ever grew out, so I don’t think this behavior has to do with the wings, although they may be exacerbating it.
My question is, how can I alter this behavior? Is it possible to “undo” an overbonding situation, if in fact Kermit has truly overbonded?
Another fact, although I believe it to be immaterial…we do have another male Quaker, named Cody, with whom Kermit gets along just fine. They get along well enough to share a cage when we travel and share food on the plate or counter, but don’t really seem bonded to each other beyond being flockmates. Kermit’s aggressive behavior toward my daughter and other women does not seem to be affected by Cody’s presence or absence, and he does not display jealousy at all when I “love-on” Cody. Incidentally, Cody is a LOVE – goes to everyone and lets almost everyone hold and pet him. He is very sweet (except that he hates my husband, but Cody was a rescue with a history of “dad abuse” so that is understandable).
Any ideas or suggestions on dealing with Kermit and helping him to like my daughters again?
Hi, I have a very sweet little bird named Scooter, he is so loving to me, but he hates everyone else in my family. Whenever my dad comes into the room, he gets all defensive and starts beating up his toys.He gets mad at me if I am out shopping all day, but the next day he is fine.
PLEASE HELP! HOW DO I UN-OVER BOND HIM?
Hey all, I am the proud owner of a 4 month old male quaker. I bought him with the impression he was hand tame. Not quite sure if this is true though. As I’m new to quakers not to sure how to go about things with him. I have done some research, can anyone suggest a good site for me to use? Anyhow back to Oscar, He seem’s to b scared of hands an will try to bite or just move to the far end of his cage when I try to approach him. I have used treats and a few times he has excepted although wants to get away as soon as possible. He mumbles regulray and will growl to tell me off. Please help as I want to build a strong loving bond with him. Thanks Shirynne
I have 4 keets all under a year. I once had a quaker and now have the chance to get another one. My keets are freeroaming around the house during the day and caged at night. but i wish to know how the keets and quaker will get along. will the keets be scared of the quaker? will the quaker attack the smaller keets? I would be most greatful for any help as I want all my little buddies to be happy
My Quaker is about 4 yrs. and he says everything and alot in sentences since that is how I talk to him, do be patient as Ditto did not start talking till past 6 mos. and is still saying new things all the time. He will give me kisses and then take a piece of my skin and it hurts, after he does that and I say “Ditto,” he responds ” Don’t bite mama that hurts,” then he will say ” you know better”, so give your young birds time and talk to them alot and they wlll suprise you one day and just start talkng. I have written what Ditto says not just single words but sentences that he says, and it is well over 30 things, such as “you”re so silly,” as one, not each word, and he knows when to say thngs appropriately, such as when I can’t get somethng to work and then it does, he will say “there you go,” or when I put my purse on my shoulder he says bye bye. it is amazing how smart the Quaker is. Just enjoy them.
I purchased my 2 year old Quaker 3 days ago, from a family who’s mother had him and passed away. It takes him a few minutes to step-up from on top of his cage, but he won’t step up from inside of it.. Which is okay by me.. But he won’t let me or anyone else pet him. He also said a few words and was trying to say good boy, but it’s like he gave up and just squawks ( not loud, but squawks). I previously owned a blue crowned conure, but never had any of these issues. I need some help as to what I need to do..
I’ve had my Quaker for about a year now and she is very tame. I guess you could say I’m her mate. Can anyone explain why all of the sudden she has decided to attack me. I carried her all over the house this morning, and at about 2:00 this afternoon she flew to me and attacked me. I put her in her room for 5 hours. And when I took her out she was sweet for about 1 minute and then attacked my face.
Has anyone had this happenbefore? HELP please… I’m worried!
My name is Claudette and Charlie is my QP(3yrs) Charlie would cuddle and make the kiss sound all the time. Charlie was very good and she was able to get on my shoulder, but it didn’t take long before she started biting while on my shoulder. So, now I don’t allow it and she seems to have backed off and will not step up anymore and wants to bite more. I think she has become overbonded. How can this be corrected? Help
My husband Jason, our 7yr old daughter & I recently were given a beautiful “teenage” quaker parrot about 2wks ago & in reading your website ive relized that his previous owners were not giving him the proper attention that he so truely deserves! They WARNED us-ha ha-that he was a biter & mean but to our surprise he is the sweetest parrot weve ever met! He never bit anyone of us including our 7yr. old! The previous owners could not believe that this was the same bird that they owned weeks ago. But it goes to show that lots of love & lots of attention really work to bond us all togehter & yes in that short amount of time we have all bonded with him & he has bonded with us! No one could believe it but seeing is believing & he is a wonderful, sweet, loving & yes, a very smart bird! We are so happy to included him into our family! Even our 2 cats dont mind him & he acts like hes been apart of this family for his whole life!!!! Amazing, these parrots are! I couldnt ask for a better, more sweeter bird, hes all that weve wanted in a parrot & more!!!! Thanks-Desiree, Jason, Destinee, Teddy-bear cat, Solomon cat & our newest addition to the family-Lester, the loving, sweet, smart & talented Quaker Parrot!!! P.S.How do I & can I train him to give “kisses” to us!?
My Quaker likes 2 people but no one else how can i get him to bond with other people?
Respect your birds feelings and if he/she is satisfied bonding with two people just accept it. Enjoy that fact that you are on of the two! Errol
I have a Quaker male bird named Pancho. I don’t know how old he is but we just got him two months ago. Well I need some advice please! I am only 14 and Pancho just LOVES me. He loves his big cage and all his toys, especially mirrors and his bell. He would never let anyone touch his bell! Anyway, he dislikes my little sister because she is to aggressive to him. He jumps at her like an attacking dog and gets really mad! What should I do!?
Also, my mom doesn’t do anything to him and always bites her? He likes my dad and somewhat likes my older sister. I want to teach him how to talk but he always gets distracted. I make kissing noise and he responds. He yells a lot and stuff. I really want to teach him tricks but he gets really distracted? Help!
Another thing is that he becomes a different person! More mean and starts to bite me and everyone! He attacks!! When out of his cage, he is so sweet and nice! He gives a lot of affection to me. What should I do? Thank you:Denise
we have the sweetest qp ever named bluejay. he ‘belongs’ to my 8 year old daughter but loves the whole family (5 kids). some rules we live by: always take him out at least 1 hour a day and practice dozens of step ups with him daily. never let him on your shoulder. allow many people to handle him even (and especially) gentle strangers. he is about 8 months old (was bought from a breeder as a baby, not hand fed or socialized at all by breeder) and says, “step up”, “good boy”, laughs and imitates speech tone and cadence. he has learned several tricks and i’m sure will learn many more. we just love him!
I just bought a green Quaker about a week ago. I have had a cockateil I rescued about a year ago when she was 3 weeks old. I hand fed her and it took a long time, but it was so worth it. She is so attached to me and talks and is the most loving bird ever. I recently wanted another bird and wasn’t interested in another cockateil, I wanted more like a conure or a parrot let. Well, after visiting many breeders and birds, I fell in love with Quakers. I looked around for a while and finally found this paled green Quaker i fell in love with. She is very lovable and docile, but she is still young. I have to watch and make sure she eats b/c sometimes I still spoon feed her once a day. I am so happy with my choice. I am home with both birds all day long pretty much and they both get tons of interaction. I am taking it slow with the Quaker, so she can get use to her new home and my roommate and I, but seems to be fitting right in. i take her out multiple times a day for about a hour sometimes more sometimes less. I read her mood and body language to know when she wants to go back and just relax. Sometimes over stimulation isn’t healthy so I am taking it at her pace. She knows step up better than she did but i practice it with her everyday. The two birds have not yet been introduced really, but certainly know of each other’s presence. My cockateil is a little jealous because she is really attached and territorial of me. She use to be out with me from the time i got up till the time i went to bed with maybe a few exceptions for a half hour or so. She is spoiled, but now she is taking it in that there is a new baby in the house. She has never really been around birds, b/c I rescued her at 3 weeks. Whereas the Quaker is about 8 weeks and has been around other birds. So the Quaker isn’t phased by the least, but Katie the cockateil is jealous. They are both amazing and I look forward to being part of this information guide about Quakers.